Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
