I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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