I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
