Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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