What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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