First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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