just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
