that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
