Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
