Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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