yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
