My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
