Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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