We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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