im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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