KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
