All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
