Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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