My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
