ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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