I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
