her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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