i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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