Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
