Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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