I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
