Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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