My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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