Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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