your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
