Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
barbara walters just said penis...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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