A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
