You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
