tell your sister to shave her snatch
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
