no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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