dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
