The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
