he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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