i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
