So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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