Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize