my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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