You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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