What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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