6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
