Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
