If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize