where am i from again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
