you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
