How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Randomize
