Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
