I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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