then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
