I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
