i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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