Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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