You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
