can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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