thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
