had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
