Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
