i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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