I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
