I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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