My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize