The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
