Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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