i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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