We won't sleep together?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
