Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
