garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
