I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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