What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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