so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i drank out of a bidet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize