Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
