I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
