help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
