you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize