i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
my poor anus
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize