I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
