dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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