dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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