Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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