So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize