Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
